Character Of The Month: October 2017: Hela (Thor: Ragnarok)

Hello, and welcome once again to the Blog Of Hell’s Kitchen. This week, we have a Character Of The Month about Hela, the psychical embodiment of death for Asgard in the Marvel Universe. Hela will be appearing in November’s Thor: Ragnarok as the main villain of the film, which is why I’ve selected her for this Character Of The Month article. Hela has never before appeared in live-action but has previously shown up in animated Marvel shows such as The Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes and Avengers Assembled. However, as per usual, this article will only go over the featured character’s history from the comics, and not what they’ve done in other film and television projects. So, without further ado, let’s get to it.


Hela was born in the Realm of Jotunheim, home of the Frost Giants, to Loki, Thor’s adoptive brother. There is one problem with that, and that is that the Loki that is Hela’s father is actually the Loki from a time before the Thor and Loki we all know and love. See, every few thousand years, an apocalypse called Ragnarok wipes out that era’s Asgard and kills that era’s Asgardians in return. After Ragnarok, Asgard and its citizens, such as Thor and Loki, are reborn. Hela survived the Ragnarok that killed her father and is older than all other Asgardians.

When she came of age, she was appointed by Odin as the queen and ruler of Hel and Niflheim. That also came will the title and powers of the Goddess of the Dead. She would often try to extend her reign to Valhalla, which is for Asgardians that died in battle fighting for Asgard, while Hel is meant for everyone else, with sections meant for the good and the bad Asgardians. She would often come into conflict Odin and Thor because of this, considering Odin is the direct caretaker of Valhalla. She once attempted to tempt Thor into Valhalla after the Wrecker dropped a building on him while he was depowered, but he was able to resist, and he eventually healed from his wounds.

Once, when the lover of Thor’s long-lost sister, Angela, was sent to Hel, Angela petitioned Hela for the soul of the lover, whose name was Sera. Hela denied Angela’s request, and in turn, Angela decided to conquer all of Hela’s realms, including Hel and Niflheim. Angela ended up completing several trials and did indeed become the new Queen of Hel. She resurrected Sera with her newfound powers, but soon abdicated her throne to Balder, one of the Warriors Three. She returned to Asgard with Sera, and Hela later used Thanos to reclaim the throne of Hel.


Alright, thank you so much for reading. If you want to see more of Hela, you can find her in Thor: Ragnarok, which will debut in theatres November 3rd. Please remember to tune in Monday for Featured News for September 2017, and next Friday for my continuation of Horror Month 2017, and Friday’s article for that event will be a Ghostbusters 3 Fancast, which will follow in continuity with the original Ghostbusters films. Thank you again for reading, and remember, have a nerdy day.

Ghostbusters (2015) Review

Hey, guys, and welcome to Horror Month 2017, which is a new thing I would like to start here at the Blog Of Hell’s Kitchen. I’ll just take one horror franchise a year, and obsess over it. Now, for the first official Horror Month, I think we really need we need to focus on the Ghostbusters franchise, and how badly the franchise is hurting. And that means, I have to review this movie as a primer. And I know this is early for October, it being the second-to-last week of September, but it’s kinda necessary. So, let’s get into it.


Now, I really wasn’t a fan of this movie, at all. I really thought it had a mediocre feel to it. I definitely think it could’ve been a lot better. While Kristen Wiig and Company are fantastic stars for a comedy movie, they just fell flat in the action department. Now, I’m not saying anything about actors over all, especially considering Kristen Wiig was one of my favorite parts of The Secret Life Of Walter Mitty. I think they all have the potential to be on top of Hollywood, and Melissa McCarthy already was an A-lister before this movie.

The villain, Neville or whatever the fuck that little weirdo’s name is, was just poorly written. I hated him, so much. He had no purpose. Realistically, a fucking hammer could have done his job, breaking open the barrier to Ghostland and shit. He was almost as pointless as Chris Hemsworth, who ended up being a shitty evil MacGuffin.

The plot of the movie was equally stupid. The whole thing revolved around Neville Fuckbottom killing himself, somehow becoming a ghost again, possessing about three different people, switching a magical pipeline, and a bunch of other convoluted shit that involved the Four Horseman of the Sony-Pocalypse fucking up at their jobs, really, really, REALLY badly.

I thought there were a couple genuinely funny moments in the movie, and I do think Kate McKinnon would definitely be an interesting Marvel-type hero, maybe not now, but once people are used to female heroes in a lead role. Now, I’m not trying to be sexist or anything. I just think the American public is full of judgmental assholes that don’t always like female leads, unless it’s Scarlett Johansson or an older British woman.

Ultimately, I tried to think this movie was good, but I just couldn’t. I’m sad that it didn’t do well in theaters, because it’s probably doomed the franchise for the next 30 years. Overall, while it had a few redeeming qualities, it just didn’t cut it. I give Ghostbusters     1.75 out of 5 stars.


Thank you for reading. Next week is my Character Of The Month for October. After that, Horror Month will continue with my Ghostbusters 4 Fancast, and Monday is Featured News for September 2017. Alright, see you later, and remember, have a nerdy day.

CBMs Of Earth 2: Sam Raimi’s Spider-Franchise: Part 2; Spider-Man 5

Hello, and welcome back to another edition of CBMs Of Earth 2. This edition of the CBMs Of Earth 2 series is Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man 5, in case you couldn’t read the giant title on the front of this post. This is, in fact, a continuation of Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man franchise, and will be treated as such by the team here at Blog Of Hell’s Kitchen. Anyways, let’s get started.


Release Date

11/ 7/ 2014

As a small joke, I decided to make both this film, and the next Spider-Man film, to hypothetically debut on the first Friday of November, which is where Marvel has recently  started putting a movie of their own, so it comes out at the beginning of “Oscar Bait Season”, which is the period from the end of October all the way through the end of December that studios generally schedule their more artistic movies to keep them fresh in the Academy’s minds.


Cast

  • Tobey Maguire as Spider-Man/Peter Parker
  • Bryce Dallas Howard as Gwen Stacy
  • Anne Hathaway as Black Cat/ Felicia Hardy
  • J.K. Simmons as J. Jonah Jameson
  • Rosemary Harris as May Parker
  • Kirsten Dunst as Mary Jane Watson
  • James Cromwell as Captain George Stacy
  • Ray Winstone as Kingpin/ Wilson Fisk (after credits)

Changes

Again, of course, Spider-Man 5 never happened in real life, and considering it’s hard to compare this film to something that never happened, let’s compare it to the fifth Spider-Man movie to release worldwide, The Amazing Spider-Man 2. And again, those are two completely different films. And once again, please remember, everything is different, and it’s stupid to judge a fish for it’s tree climbing ability as Einstein said. Or, don’t judge a shitty Spider-Man franchise for trying to be a quality Spider-Man franchise.


Ramifications

Now here’s where shit gets fun. In my universe, Columbia, who as you may not know, owns Sony, decides to buy the rights to Blade (and related characters, i.e. Hannibal King, or as you might know, Ryan Reynolds in Blade), Doctor Strange, Brother Voodoo, and Morbius. And since Ghost Rider has a couple scenes in the next film, his rights don’t revert back to Marvel. So, with all of those characters coming, Sony would be able to do a Midnight Sons film. If you don’t know who the Midnight Sons are, they basically a supernatural Avengers team, which just sounds like a great movie. Marvel ends up packaging most other supernatural heroes to Columbia, because Marvel doesn’t want any potentially R-Rated material, because they can be bitches, and Columbia is 110% open to it. And speaking of rights, I believe Columbia and FOX would be able to work out a plan to share Kingpin, to prevent Marvel from getting him back to use for Daredevil.


As always, thanks for reading. Join us next week for the final edition of Sam Raimi’s second Spider-Man trilogy. But until that time, thanks again for reading, and remember, to have a nerdy day.

What Would I Do: Star Wars Franchise Part 1; Episode I: Jedi Knights: REUPLOAD

(So, I’ve gotten a couple complaints that the original version of this article is having some trouble opening in mobile and desktop, so I just decided to re-upload, and change a few minor grammar errors and some formatting to my new style.)

Hello, and welcome to another edition of the Blog Of Hell’s Kitchen. Today, we have the first edition of What Would I Do, and today, I’ll be telling you how I would like to reboot the Star Wars franchise. Listen, I love Star Wars. Empire Strikes Back is one of my favorite films ever, and the franchise is why I, for some strange reason, like Roman Numerals. But there are so many things that the franchise had done very, very, very wrong. Like the prequels. And just about everything relating to the prequels. Except for Ewan McGregor, because he doesn’t look like the spawn of Donald Trump for once. I want an expanded, damn near flawless Star Wars Universe, so here goes absolutely nothing.


PLOT DESCRIPTION

“The first installment of the rebooted Star Wars in nearly upon us, with ‘STAR WARS: EPISODE I: JEDI KNIGHTS’! Go on a trek to fight the resurrected Sith, and expose a larger plot that spans across the universe!”

Basically, the Jedi Knights are the elite Jedi, answering only to the Jedi Praetors, which is the name for the Council in this, made up of guys like Mace Windu and headed up by Master Yoda. Basically, it’s the Jedi Council with a cooler name Instead of the stupid Jedi braid thing, rookies have to have done that cool, super badass crew cut, and they’re allowed to grow it out on top like the guys in Fury, and it’s optional for the Knights, and Obi-Wan has that style in this, as well.


CAST

  • Sebastian Stan as Anakin Skywalker
  • Christian Bale as Obi-Wan Kenobi
  • Bryan Cranston as Qui Gon Jinn
  • Idris Elba as Darth Maul
  • Olivia Wilde as Padme Amidala
  • Djimon Hounsou as Mace Windu
  • Frank Oz as Yoda
  • Marisa Tomei as Shmi Skywalker

Well, for the plot, I want a kind of space thriller more than the space operas that Star Warsis . Inception or Triple 9 combined with well, Star Wars.T he main storyline of the film is Darth Maul being discovered the first Sith in a long time, as the Sith are thought to be long dead, and the three main Jedi trying to fight back the Sith forces. The romantic relationship between Anakin and Padme also isn’t creepy because they are characters that are in their 20s and about the same age. No one wanted to see an eight-year-old and a twelve-year-old either staring or trying to avoid eye contact at all costs. No one. The biggest changes from Phantom Menace is that Qui Gon and Darth Maul don’t die. I feel Obi-Wan is still growing as a Jedi, he’s still brash and hard-headed, and even though he’s a Jedi Knight, he needs a little help, and so does Anakin. Also, the prequel trilogy was always lacking a villain over the entire trilogy, and Darth Maul could easily fill this role, just like Darth Vader did for the original trilogy, and what Kylo Ren will most likely do for the sequel trilogy. I want to give Shmi and Mace a much larger role because I think they could be so much better as characters. Honestly, I don’t even think Samuel L. Jackson did a bad job, it’s just that the prequels didn’t utilize him enough. But anyway, by the end of the movie, Anakin has learned the Force and is at least able to fend Darth Maul from a group of Padawans long enough to get them to safety.

The ending of the movie would be after the final battle with Anakin, Obi-Wan, and Qui Gon back on Tatooine with Shmi after an epic battle that destroyed the main Jedi temple in ruins, and showed that the Jedi need to hide and strike from the shadows, at least for now. The actual end minute is the three making a plan for an attack on a holograph.


Alright, thank you for reading. I’m excited about this series, I pretty much have it all planned out by now. Please check back next Friday for my CBMs Of Earth 2 article on Spider-Man 5. Thanks again for reading, and remember, have a nerdy day.

 

The Defenders Review

Hello, and welcome my review of Marvel’s The Defenders. The biggest idea I’ll go over here is probably the incredible amount of undue criticism that I think the show has gotten over the last few weeks, and why I think it’s undeserved. Before we start, I just want to remind everyone to remember, there will be MAJOR SPOILERS for Marvel’s The Defenders. And with that, let’s get into it.


Now, let it be known I don’t think it’s the best show in the Marvel Netflix Universe, in fact, compared to every other Marvel Netflix projects, it’s the second- worst, just ahead of Marvel’s Iron Fist, it’s not for lack of trying, though, or because The Defenders is a bad show. Trust me, it’s a great show compared to almost everything out there without HBO and Netflix in front of their name. At the moment, the only three shows currently airing outside of HBO and Netflix that are better than The Defenders are probably Homeland, Preacher, and American Gods. 

Now, my favorite character had to be Jessica Jones. She’s the member of the Defenders that hasn’t been seen in the longest amount of time, the last time she appeared was in her own show back in November 2015. It was refreshing to see Jones’s signature brand of sarcasm among the three other Defenders, who as of late, have been kind of squares.

Then, we, of course, have Alexandra, who is supposedly the main villain of the show. Alexandra, in the show, is explained as one of “Five Fingers of The Hand”, or one of the original five immortal founders of the Hand. I don’t know if that’s a thing in the comics, but it does sound dumb enough to be from the comics, so that’s what I’ll be going with. The writers of this show tried to make the audience feel sympathetic to Alexandra by starting off the show by showing that she has cancer, but you don’t feel bad for her, because she’s just a mean, old bitch. Anyways, she ends up getting killed by Elektra, who Alexandra resurrected, and Elektra takes over the Hand, pretty much. She’s an alright villain, but the show would have been so much better if Elektra was the main villain all along, and it probably would have saved Marvel a lot of money from Sigourney Weaver’s contract.

The Defenders had a rough run from critics, and in my book it deserved a lot more than that. It combined The Avengers with the phenomenon of the Marvel Netflix Universe, and it showed something great, but unfortunately not as great as Daredevil, Luke Cage, or Jessica Jones. Overall, I’m going to give Marvel’s The Defenders 4.05 out of 5 stars.


That has been my time, thank you for reading. Join me next Friday for my What Would I Do on the  Star Wars Franchise, Episode I: Jedi Knights. Anyways, thanks again for reading, hope you enjoyed, and remember, have a nerdy day.